“Self-love is the foundation of our loving practice. Without it our other efforts to love fail.”
bell hooks
In Leviticus God commands His people to ”Love your neighbor as yourself.” In Mark, Jesus exclaims that this decree is the second greatest commandment.
Jesus goes on to say, “Greater love has no one than this, that a person will lay down his life for his friends.” Based on these passages, it is apparent that God is calling us to love our neighbors well.
So, if we’re to love others as ourselves, and God wants us to love others well, it is safe to assume He wants us to love ourselves well.
But not many of us do. Myself included.
Until last year, I regularly found myself serving, giving and leading until there was nothing left. I was applauded for this type of behavior but the energy-depleted state I found myself in offered little to others. There was a disconnect between loving others and loving myself. Yet I was oblivious to it.
In Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Peter Scazzero points out the prevalence of such thinking, “Few Christians make the connection between love of self and love of others.”
The root of my issue was an immature view of love. Somewhere before or during my walk with God I had developed the belief that self-care was selfish.
But self-care isn’t selfish.
From notable writer and activist Parker Palmer, “Self-care is never a selfish act. it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer others.”
Palmer points out that self-care is the opposite of selfish. It’s an essential part of living out our calling to love others well.
We see this idea of self-care played out in Jesus’ own ministry.
That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. The whole town gathered at the door, and Jesus healed many ….Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.
Jesus Himself rested. But what about his disciples? Mark 6, after the twelve returned to Jesus from their mission trip:
The apostles returned to Jesus and told him all that they had done and taught. And He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a solitary place and rest a while.”
I believe these two passages offer a beautiful formula and foundation for our practice of self-care and self-love.
Solitude + Communion with God + Rest
Solitude provides the silence needed for introspection and the space to reconnect with our values free from the noise of the outside world.
Communion with God fortifies our souls, providing comfort and resilience through challenges while nurturing a sense of inner peace and compassionate love.
Rest revives our bodies and minds – repairing tissues, consolidating memories and restoring mental clarity.
This simplified formula for self-care is by no means comprehensive, obligatory or meant to cause shame. It is only a framework for beginning to love our whole person well. Because, as bell hooks put it, “Self-love is the foundation of our loving practice. Without it our other efforts to love fail.”
Reflections:
How can you love yourself better?
How might caring for yourself better, help you love others better?