"I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and incur my own abhorrence."
Frederick Douglass
Doubt is like a seed that takes root in the most vulnerable parts of our minds. Its nourishment is the pain of our pasts and the insecurities they create. But doubt isn’t malicious, or at least it doesn’t intend to be. It simply wants to keep us safe. Unfortunately, it makes no distinction between real and perceived threats. Which is why it’s so dangerous.
I was reminded of this the day before sharing the newsletter with you all. My initial post was drafted, I knew what I wanted to accomplish and then boom. The seeds of doubt sprouted. The closer I came to sharing, the more questions I had.
What if I run out of things to write about? What if I lose interest? What if people don't like what I write?
I began to ponder the negative thoughts that had descended upon me. I was afraid but why? What was my mind trying to protect me from?
Then I remembered a revelation I had a couple of months prior while journaling. Somewhere in life, I had internalized the belief that failing made me a failure and more specifically, less valuable as a person.
I know this skewed belief isn’t true. I’ve failed, persevered and succeeded at achieving some of my biggest aspirations. But, my mind had revealed the reality I’d constructed for it. Some part of me still believed the lie.
Thus, hearing the truth wouldn’t be enough. I needed to live it out.
So I chose to rebel against my doubt and send you all messages sharing my endeavor. The result? I gained a bit more confidence, doubt lost some of its sting and you all showed up in ways I couldn't have imagined. I’m proud of myself but also thankful for you all and your support.
My doubt isn’t gone though. No singular act of courage will uproot the seeds that have long been planted in my mind. So I’ll keep writing, reflecting and sharing until the truth rings louder than the lies ever could.
For me, that is success – the vulnerable, courageous pursuit of better.
REFLECTION:
When do you experience doubt most intensely?
Do you believe that doubt is tied to something deeper?
If so, what might it be?
New to Being and Becoming?
Here’s a quick, nitty-gritty post on why I started a newsletter.
"My doubt isn’t gone though. No singular act of courage will uproot the seeds that have long been planted in my mind. So I’ll keep writing, reflecting and sharing until the truth rings louder than the lies ever could."
WHAT A POWERFUL STATEMENT