Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."
– Carl Jung
My wife and I were in our initial session of couples therapy. Believing myself to be the logical one in the relationship, I expected the therapist to see my point of view and explain to my wife the error of her ways.
Instead, the therapist began asking me questions that exposed parts of me that I hadn’t previously accepted…or even known about. At one point he began asking my wife questions about her experience with me. Her answers only further exposed my lack of self-awareness.
That painful session opened my eyes to the vastness and complexity of self. I experienced, as Aristotle famously wrote, "The more you know, the more you realize you don't know." Unfortunately, the topic was myself.
Maybe you’ve found yourself in a similar situation or maybe you’ve never been laid bare before. Either way, the truth is, self-awareness is a timeless challenge for humanity.
In fact, in 1955 two American psychologists developed a psychological tool called the Johari Window to help individuals better understand their relationship with themselves and others.
Named after its creators, Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham, the Johari Window divides personal awareness into four quadrants, or windows if you will.
The Arena:
Known to self and known to others.
The first window is the Arena, the most open area. These are the aspects of ourselves that we and others are aware of. It includes any information about ourselves that we are willing to share, such as our skills, knowledge, attitudes and behavior. Personally, being open has been a major struggle. Thankfully my pursuit of vulnerability has blessed me to see the benefits of bringing more aspects of myself to the Arena.
The Blind Spot:
Unknown to self but known to others.
The next window is the Blind Spot which contains things about us that we are unaware of but that others see. Our blind spots are indicators of a lack of self-awareness which can lead to misunderstandings, communication challenges and behaviors that don’t align with our view of self. One helpful way to find your Blind Spot, is to ask those closest to you, “What aspect of myself should I consider improving?” Their answers may surprise and challenge you.
The Facade:
Known to self but hidden from others.
The third window is the Facade. This window represents what we know about ourselves that others do not. There are several reasons we might keep certain things to ourselves, including fear, insecurity or the desire to maintain privacy. However, withholding information can prevent us from building deeper relationships and hinder our personal growth. I’ve, unfortunately, found both of these to be true in my own life.
The Unknown:
Unknown to self and others.
Finally, there is the Unknown. This window is the parts of ourselves that remain unrecognized by both us and others. Here we might find latent talents and undiscovered negative traits. The challenge with the unknown is discovering which aspects of ourselves are even unknown. The only solution I’ve found for this challenge is to stay vigilant. The more time I commit to understanding myself, the more truths I stumble upon.
The power of the Johari Window is that it gives us a framework for navigating our journey of self-understanding. However, a framework can only show us the way. We must commit to delving into the aspects of self it calls our attention to if we hope to experience its benefits. The journey is undoubtedly difficult, but I’m thankful to be on it.
Reflection:
Do you feel like you put on a facade in front of others? If so, when and why?
Who are 2-3 people you’d ask to help find a blind spot?
Do you believe it’s important to prioritize time reflecting and gaining a better understanding of yourself each week? Why?
stumbled upon this post, and I am so glad I did! what an interesting and incredibly powerful matrix and concept. especially intrigued by the unknown - that quadrant seems especially intriguing, but also a bit intimidating?