I remember being enamored with my dad’s massive sound system growing up. His rare use of it turned it into a kind of enigma for me. One I didn’t have the courage to explore until a slow summer day in 2003.
My mom had left for work and my dad was out of town. With little else to do, I decided to tap into a bit of the bravery granted me by early-stage puberty and explore my dad’s setup.
When I did, I discovered two things. Six-disk stereo systems are complicated and my dad had curated an impressive collection of CDs to accompany his tech.
As I flipped through the immense pages of his CD book I found everything from No Doubt and Seal to OutKast and Tupac. Each time I came across an album cover that intrigued me I’d take a listen.
Eventually, I stumbled across this…
My dad had always told me Prince was one of his favorite artists, but I didn’t know much about him or his music. After I examined the album cover a bit I decided to see what was up with the guy who appeared to be wearing women’s clothing.
I placed Prince’s CD in one of the slots and waited for the discs to change.
Initially, I skipped around from song to song. Then I came to track seven - Uptown. By the time the chorus began, I knew I’d come across someone special. Someone who had what I wanted – confidence. At least that’s how my adolescent self perceived it.
On a recent guys trip my dad and I discussed the artist we’d both come to love as teenagers. I began to explain how much Prince’s way of being inspired me when my dad interjected with a brief but notable bit of history, “Prince was actually really shy.”
I soon learned that Prince wasn’t just shy, reportedly needing everyone to leave the studio when he recorded the vocals for his first solo track, but was also bullied as a kid.
Not until that moment had I ever considered that the icon I adored was just a person. A man with fears and doubts and a past filled with others trying to make him feel less than. But I know from experience how much of a reality that can be.
In middle school, I was a short, shy kid who actively avoided confrontation. Most of the time I was successful, but the not-so-subtle comments of my peers often hit their mark in my chest when they were sent my way.
In 9th grade, I decided I wanted to change, but instead of learning to love who I was, I knitted a facade that would allow me to portray the person I wanted others to see while protecting me from their gazes.
Now, after a decade or so spent removing that mask, I know it wasn’t Prince’s confidence that resonated with adolescent Jamal. It was the unapologetic way he seemed to accept himself as an artist and person. That kind of acceptance breeds confidence but liberation is the true force at work. That’s the kind of liberation I desire as an artist. The kind a mask would never fit and others would see as an invitation for their own liberation.
Creative liberation is being confronted with what is and still having the courage to pursue what could be.
Create with heart.
You write the guide.
One rule. Be bold.
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