For years, I’d been afraid to cry in front of others.
Thankfully, a collection of hard moments and soft people met me like a wave. With them came the strength to wash away decades of lies that caused me to quiet my tears.
Now, when I cry in front of people, I count it as a small victory to be added to a beautiful list of vulnerable moments that underline my healing.
Saltwater.
They told me tears
were for the weak
so I swallowed
my softness and
learned to carry oceans.
Still, not even the sea
rejects its longing
to spill onto soft sand.
Nor do steady streams
yield to the mightiest
of mountains.
Neither will I keep
my saltwater tears
from kissing the air.
“So I buried my softness
and learned to carry oceans”
Oh, that got me Jamal! Such a poignant image of a universal instinct. It made me think of how we overcrowd our internal worlds the more we bury those emotions that really belong in the external world. We are all dams on the verge of breaking because we neglect to consistently check in with ourselves, while carrying on outside as if everything was alright, as if an impending tsunami wasn’t on its way. No wonder the world has become accustomed to carrying on with life despite the gross injustices being perpetrated daily. The tolerance for cognitive dissonance started with how we learned to treat ourselves.
so beautiful and relatable! one of the best things I did was give myself a "year of crying" where instead of stifling my tears (happy/sad/angry/etc.) I let them flow. It was a soggy year for sure, but helped me find my balance again.